Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
