Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize