you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
