Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
