mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
