At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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