Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize