you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
