I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
