so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize