I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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