Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize