i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
