"it" just moved
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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