Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
