maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize