Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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