Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
