I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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