So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
