we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
