You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
