I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
