Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
