i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There r osticjed everywhere
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
