You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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