i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
