We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
