did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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