Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
