i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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