Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
