so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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