I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
