I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
