Just cropdusted the office
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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