It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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