You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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