shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
