Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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