dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
