i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
