I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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