It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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