Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just invented taco cereal.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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