Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had sex on a roof
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
