I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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