I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
