I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
