She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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