I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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