I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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