I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
