I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
