I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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