I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
