I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
