i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
