She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
