youre lurking in front of me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize