smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize