guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
