Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
