I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I could make wine with my vomit
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
