I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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