I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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