Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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