Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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