I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would ride that face into the sunset
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
