How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
