when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
