she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
