Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no, he came in my armpit
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize