after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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