just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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