I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
