with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
