You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
