You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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