If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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