Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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