the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize