When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
