Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
