hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
