what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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