I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
