Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize