I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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