you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
