actually, I'm a sock model
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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