If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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