thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
