best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
