I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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