you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
