Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
