the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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