a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
