did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
