so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
