She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
