It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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