Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
