Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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